There was a time I thought that there was always a “happy ever after”. You know finding someone and love strikes. At least I thought I had that. I thought I had that more than a few times. When the first relationship turned bad I was in search for the next, because the next would be “the one” in my mind.
Turns out it doesn’t work like that, at least not for me. I put so much effort into those relationships and ended up crying in my bed for days or drinking the pain away. I have made many stupid decisions during those heart break days.
I would go on dating sites to see if I could find “the one”. I have heard some people found their love that way. So I tried it. Wouldn’t you know it, it was just men who wanted a one night stand. Or an ongoing “Sneaky link” as they call it now.
I honestly never thought I would be such a gullable woman for as long as I was. I needed to start believing more in myself than others. I am not going to lie, I still wonder if there is someone out there for me. Someone who is my forever.
The only problem is I get so focused on finding someone else to love me, instead of me loving myself. It is a lifelong love that I need to find for myself, in myself. How do I do this? I have never been taught to love myself. I was taught to love and respect others.
I still long for love even though I just said I need to learn to love myself. I wonder if every person on this planet is like that?. You know, wants to find love but doesn’t know how to love themselves. I still have hope that one day I will find that love, but in order to find that love I think I do need to find the love for myself first.
So thats my thoughts on this whole love situation I seem to be stuck in. Wanting love so bad but needing to find it in myself.