I want to be free

I want to be free from this anxiety. Today is Wednesday, October 26, 2022. I slept all afternoon yesterday. Missed my AA meeting because I awoke, took my medication, then went back to sleep until close to 6am this morning. Anxiety was there as soon as I awoke. I don’t know exactly what to do.

I am happy because I get to visit my children today but I am also worried that my state of mind won’t be better even though I truly do hope it will be. I am so stuck in my past and I remember never feeling this anxious all the time when I had my children in my care.

I have been staying at my sisters again because I don’t really know what else to do. My nephew has been amazing and rooting me on. He actually gets me to eat when I don’t feel hungry. I don’t want to live like this. This is not how life is supposed to be in my eyes. I once was happy and now I dread even waking up. Thats hard to say.

I have been through depression most of my life but now is so different because it is way more intense than it has ever been. I do try to reach out but sometimes it doesn’t help me any. I think I should go to the hospital but then I will be stuck in a room again. I just want to be free from this misery but apart of it I blame on myself for allowing things to get so bad. Even though it isn’t my fault it is my brain.

I just feel so alone even with people around and so this morning I decided to write because I don’t know what else to do. I miss the old brain and I am having a hard time with the new brain of mine. So to this I just want to be free.

Stay Shining


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