I don’t understand why I can’t seem to hold a job. I mean a lot has to do with my mental state and I know this. I thought I was ready to get back to working. This is only once a week. Yes, once a week and I can’t even manage that in my life right now. The workplace is such an Amazing place to be working at. I honestly think PSW work is just not in the cards for me anymore. It makes me sad because again I need to put myself first before I can even think about caring for others.
So sadly today Friday, October 21, 2022 I had to send my boss a message and ask her to call my work day a volunteer day because I feel that it was just like that. I was volunteering. Maybe it is the pressure of having to care for others when I can’t care for my own.
Believe me when I say that I feel terrible going in asking for a job and not even two days later I am declining the job that I asked for. This I am thinking there must be something else for me to be doing but maybe I am rushing on my healing Journey. After I sent the message to my boss I felt a sense of relief because I knew that it had to be done even though I didn’t want to.
This life of mine is something else entirely, I try so hard to be me but I have so many blockages. Like I said one day I know I will find something but until then I guess it is just me focusing on me.