My week has been such a good week. It also has taught me many things about myself. I distanced myself from writing and my home in general. I stayed with my family for these last 7 days. Going home to sleep once or twice.
I find myself not liking to be completely by myself. I always want and have wanted to be surrounded by my family. This is going back to the beginning of my childhood that I can remember. I have a huge attatchment to the past and how good it was when I was surrounded by family.
My family doesn’t have get togethers anymore due to family drama. Or I should say Family Trauma. As I am sure it is the same for many others. It is sad how things change negetively. Maybe it’s all for good reasons but I am still confused on a huge part of it.
It seems as if it all started falling apart after a certain death in my family. Although I cannot remember which family member it was that departed but I do have a good idea. Rest in Peace to my family members who are no longer with us today. I miss them all so dearly.
For me, I would change a few things if I could but for the goodness of it all, I wouldn’t change a thing. Also, I don’t have a choice but to accept the things from my past.
I do miss my childhood very much and I feel a lot of what I am going through has to deal with the Traumatizing parts of it. So I am constantly trying to switch whatever negative thought that is in my mind to a more positive aspect.
So despite my family being broken since I can remember, I am Happy that I am still here, alive, and doing well. I am happy that I get to see them through pictures shared on Facebook. I feel that has been the way for a long while now.
Family Trauma is a big part of everyones lives, or for a majority of us all. It’s trying to Breakthrough that trauma and heal from it all. Thats the difficult part. I do wish I had more positive support from certain people but unfortunately that is out of my hands. I do still Love them, no matter the heartache I have gained from them, I do ask for forgiveness for any heart ache I have caused. I do Forgive them because in my life I don’t ever wanted to be seperated from my family even though it has already happened.
It’s okay though because we all get older and eventually do seperate to live our lives. I am still learning this thing called life, just as everyone else is too. Trying to look at the brighter picture of things.