I have dealt with a lot of death in our family. Including a lot of animals. Besides that, the dream I had the night my grandpa past, was beyond next level visions.
In my dream I was basically floating as if my soul left my body. I could see every detail. I heard voices down the hall in the living room. Grandma, Aunty G, and Aunty M. As I made my way down the hall I could hear soft small crys. When I reached the living room I was no longer gliding along the floor but I was looking down from the ceiling. I could see all three of them around my grandpa’s bed, holding hands with their heads down and crying.
So that next morning when I asked my grandma where grandpa was, I already knew. I also didn’t tell my grandma until years later about my dream. I can’t recall if she had said anything to me about it.
Out of body experience. I have had a few but this one about my grandpa is the only one I can remember like it was yesterday.
My grandpa was an acceptional man. He was funny a huge jokester. My mom told me a story about how my grandpa scared the”living s**t” out of my grandma. My grandpa was working on building a porch for the front of the house. Well the boards weren’t fastened down yet. So they would teeter tot when you walked on them and make noise.
My grandma was in the kitchen cooking. She said all of a sudden they heard a huge “Bang” outside and my grandpa yelled, “OW, MY HIP!” She said my grandma went running and as soon as she opened the door, my grandpa bursted out laughing. Hahaha my mom said my grandma was so Mad. Lol she obviously would of laughed about it afterwards.
My grandma was much different from my grandpa. Grandma was the stern one. Kept everything in check. My grandpa would go out to a party to drink with his friends. When he drank, he binge drank. My mom said sometimes my grandma would go find him and drag him out. Not litterally, at least I don’t think. This is what got me, he would go home with grandma everytime. Although my mom said he would try to sneak back out. Hahaha
My grandpa was a farmer and did cement/construction. Grandpa actually helped build my grandmas house. MY grandpa was a very loving man, Kind, Caring. His nickname fore my mom was either Netty, or Netty Boo. I think that is the cutest thing ever.
My grandma took such good care of my grandpa. Not only him but everyone else as well as herself. I don’t really remember my grandpa to, to much. I do remember him in a wheelchair. Then I also remember the dream I had the night he died.
I awoke one morning and went out to the living room. Grandpa’s hospital bed wasn’t in the living room anymore and neither was he. When I asked my grandma where grandpa was, she couldn’t speak. Her mouth was trembling, so she pointed up and I knew exactly what she meant. I will share my dream in a seperate blog.
Remember your breath. In through the nose and out throught the mouth. I have to repeat this thought many times a day. I felt scared, worried, angry, my entire body was shaking. I felt light headed and confused. I felt that “lost” again.
Triggered; “caused by particular action, process, or situation”. I am not comfortable with explaing how I got triggered. At least for now. I panicked, put on my shoes and started walking. I walked, and walked. I walked until I could feel the blisters starting to form on my feet. Only then did I decide to start to make my way home.
Interesting isn’t it? I would rather feel the pain on my feet. I don’t ever want to put myself back into that position. I walked 4 hours yesterday. I was still Terrified walking because the thought wouldnt go away.
I got home, relaxed and went to sleep. I am Amazed at the fact I didn’t give in. I am proud of myself. It is the littlest thing to some people. For me this is Huge. So if you think you can’t, well guess what, You Can!
I will not allow anything to control me anymore. I am in control of myself. I am making Positive changes. I can Proudly say 33 Days Sober and Clean.