Honesty

As a young girl, I always “tattle tailed”. Everyone did not like that very much. Even when I would get into trouble I would eventually tell the truth.

Honesty to me is so important in life. I really don’t like the exhaustion that comes with one little lie. Example of “The Chocolate Bar” blog I posted. I knew I was going to get into trouble and I did it anyways. I didn’t lie.

I always feel so much better after I express my feelings and emotions on a subject or situation. Sometimes you just need a positive, honest person to see a different perspective of things.

Growing up I always said things that would throw people off. Kind of give me a look for being so blunt and honest. Normally always kind. Unless I was over raged, over something. Mainly bullying, disrespect, or physical altercation.

Just get such a good feeling when I don’t hide what I am feeling emotionally. If I am embarrassed I will voice it. Lol Thats how honest I am. I have no Shame in expressing my true feelings.

To be honest, is to tell the truth. Telling the truth is being honest. I remember my sister had a friend over. I had just gotten out of the shower. I was on my period so, I put a pad on when I was getting dressed. Left the wrapping on my bed. My sisters friend asked me if I changed my pad in my room. I said no, with a beet red face.

She actually said to me, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. No need to lie about it. She said I have changed my pad in my room too. Well then, I should have just been honest. Hahaha

There are times my heart is pounding so hard and I am shaking if I am about to give upsetting news. I don’t like to lie so I push through that fear and anxiety. When all is said and done, I feel uplifted. My shoulders feel lighter. I can breath properly, I don’t have to worry about feeling guilty.

GUILT, Gah this is the worst feeling ever! It eats me alive. I suppose this is a really good attribute to have. So I am thankful for not being ashamed to speak my truth and be honest with the world. Let everyone know that we are all human and it takes time, patience, and practice. Honesty is so good.

Stay Shining

30 Days

30 days since I made a big mistake. 30 days of Strength. 30 days of resilience. 30 Days of Courage. 30 days of learning to Love me!

30 Days sober! I can’t express to myself enough how proud I am to be sober. How proud I am to be drug free. With the acception of marijuana and cigarettes. No alcohol, No Cocaine.

It doesn’t end here. This is a reminder that no matter how down I feel, I have the ability to overcome the drowning feeling. I am starting to realize that my entire life I was never alone. I had myself. I am Thankful for all the people in my life. I am Thankful to be me. I wouldn’t want to be anyone else! Thank you for reading.

Stay Shining

Sister

I was so happy to see you today. I know things are very hard right now. They will continue to be hard. “I believe that everything happens for a reason”. Hahaha your saying.

I don’t ever want you to be hard on yourself because of me. You know this because you know me. You have been my main gal for years. I was very thankful you offered me a ride home. It was perfect timing my feet hurt. Hahaha Self inflicted wounds from walking. Lol

You mean so much to me and I want to be a positive support for you. No more me coming to you and expecting you to fix my issues. Lol You always have been so understanding and you have opened my eyes to new perspective of things.

Did we ever have the craziest relationship while we were younger. Hahaha I am sorry for all the pressure and pain I put on you. I hope you can forgive me. I didn’t shut anyone out because it was their fault. I shut everyone out because I didnt know what else to do, to better myself. So with that being said, Thank you for being you. I Love you so, so much!

Stay Shining

Comparing

Comparing has been in my mind since I had a group yesterday. A friend had talked about Comparing. It makes me think. Comparing can be positive but it also can be a negative.

You can compare a shirt and decide which one you like best. I think comparing myself to people is unhealthy. To me, if and when I do compare myself to others. I have to remind myself I am my own person. Doesnt matter if someone “seems” better than I.

When I first moved into the unit I am in now. I would see the neighbors getting together for coffee and having good laughs, talks. The social fun that I have craved my entire life. To have a group of people who I can laugh and hang out with.

I wanted to be apart of a social circle soo bad that I would literally shame myself because I didn’t think I was pretty enough, cool enough, sexy enough, tough enough. You know the self- deprecration. So to me, I have never had the courage to be my full true self. Always have been afraid of negative judgement.

Not no more, well I shouldnt say not no more. More like I understand myself now. I understand that I don’t need to be someone I don’t want to be. The judgement I can feel from people is a real, honest feeling. It may sound “crazy”. Who knows maybe I am the normal one and those who are struggling are the “odd” ones.

Not true, just kind of slipped off my brain there. Comparing, can be healthy but it also can be very unhealthy. So with that, please don’t put yourself down for being you. For being too worried, too scared. Deep breaths, you are Beautiful Inside and out. You are your own person. If people don’t like you, so what? That just means they have underlying issues to deal with about themselves. Beautiful Souls is what we all are. We are the stars that shine in the night sky. So lets shine so bright that its infectious. Hahaha

Stay Shining