Father of our children

We have been through a hell of a lot. A lot, Lol You have always been so Strong. Physically Always, not the point…. You were there with me through all of it. I didn’t realize how much you wanted to help me when we were together. I am sorry I didn’t believe you at the time. Your patience with me has been Phenominal.

Even though we had all the bad, there was so much good. Still is really good actually. You have grown into an Amazing man. I am so Proud of you for all of the hard work you have done for this family. It is Important for me to express that I am not blaming anyone for any decisions I have made. That would be extremely low of me. I Thank you for being the Rock of the family. I Love you unconditionally, even if we are not together anymore. You are so Important in this world. Best Dad for Our Children. Thank you for the Support you have given me.

That right there people is me Forgiving myself for the pain I have caused. I am still working on it, Work in Progress. 🙂 So Thankful.

Stay Shining

You are a good enough Mom!

I always thought that I was not a good enough Mom. I knew I was a good Mom, my problem was that yes I am here. Even though I am here physically, My mind is not fully here in time. Always wandering off into deep thoughts that create emotions. Emotions I never wanted to accept. I also couldn’t forgive myself for the past.

My ex always said to me “it doesnt make you less of a Mother”. The more he said it to me, the more I understood. To think about it, my ex was very hurt by my own behavior towards myself. It is not only exhausting for me, it is exhausting for the people who surround you. Try not to take that too negative.

The ones who Love me have all tried to help me. I hope that they understand that even if they don’t think they did good enough, they did. The people in my life have always went beyond their own strength to give to me. If that makes sense.

Spoon Theory, You have 5 spoons a day. The spoons are represented as your energy. So those 5 spoons need to be spread apart throughout the day. If you use those spoons to quick you wont have enough energy to finish the day. Or your reaching for the spoons that are supposed to be for tomorrow. So instead of me trying to get everything done fast and not be patient with the process, I have to listen to my body, mind, soul. Something like that. Hahaha

This actually popped up in my head because my friend Nicole shared a blog on Facebook. I think she has so much knowledge. I am pretty sure I feed off of others brains. As we all should, to an extent. You want to learn from them not be them. Lol I mean I wouldnt mind having her brain. Hahaha godsfavoritewidow.com even if your not Christian, you can still learn so, so much from Nicole. Her stories are beyond Exciting, intense.

Me personally I don’t necessarily have a religion. I am very Spiritual, intuned with my own emotions. Its good and bad with the being “intuned”, with my emotions. It is what we call an Empath. It is another level of feeling emotions. Pretty Incredible I might say.

Now that I have started my healing journey, I don’t want to go back. This feels so nice, to be able to process all the thoughts, feelings, emotions. I am fighting and fighting hard to take back control of my life. As for my children, I miss them soo much but this is only temporary. I Love you my Beautiful Stars.

Stay Shining

27 Days Sober

I never thought that I would actually be one of the people who count their Sober days. I don’t have to, something about counting higher each day, is so Satisfying. 27 Days, look at me go. Feels so good to think clearer and be more mindful of myself and others.

It took me many times to be where I am. I have always given up way to fast. Also didnt have the proper Support Positively. Or I did and just didn’t listen. That happens a lot. Your not going to hear the positives coming from someone who truly cares. For me personally I am kind of Stubborn at times. Anytime someone would say “you can do it”, I would switch that thought to, “I can’t do it”. Now I believe I can accomplish anything as long as I put my mind to it and reach out for those Positive supports that I kept pushing away.

It is all on me, you know? I have to build the Courage each time. I have to root myself on. I got this! If I got this, then I know you have the Courage to make a change for a better you. It is within me and within you. For me being alone was so scary. I enjoy it at times now. I am able to focus on my mental health in a Positive way. With the help of positive friends. 27 Days Sober!

Stay Shining

I want to see you do good, but I don’t

I just realized that some people don’t like to see others doing “better” than them. What they need to understand is that they too can be “better”. All the Shame, Embarrassment, Judgement. Why must people be so brutal? I think that if there were more Positive Supports in this world, instead of thinking it is a Competition. Things would defenitely be different.

It just really, really bothers me how everyone is so against each other. There are Police in my complex all the time. Usually a huge fight and threats. It is Frustrating a little. I understand some people don’t want to be nice. Cool, Respect is part of being kind, listening is being kind, Positive reinforcement is kind. Adults trying to fight each other because they have to prove how tough they are, you can be tough without violence. Walking away is the Strength people need. Not to allow anyone to get a rise out of you. That is what they want. Thats my Judgemental thought about Negative people. It is the “I want to see you do good, but I don’t”.

Just really had to get that off of my chest. I hope everyone has an Amazing Day, Night, Evening. Please don’t be afraid to be you.

Stay Shining