When I thought my Soul was going to Die

*Trigger Warning* If you are uncomfortable with suicidal stories, Please move on. I wouldnt ever want anyone to hurt themselves. Reach out to Someone if you or you know someone who is Suicidal. Rememeber you are a Beautiful Star!

I have tried to kill myself more than once in my life. I would snap out of it and tell myself I am okay. I never was okay. Each and evertime I tried to kill myself, I got closer and closer to Death. On May 9,2022 I thought this was the end. I am so Sick of Myself. I don’t deserve to be here for all the wrongs I have done. My children deserve better than this. They are hurting because of me. Everyone would be better off without me. I was planning on killing myself and following through.

Had my ex not disturbed me when he did. I am sure you get the point. Everyone was trying to talk to me. I refused I was still planning on when the best time to go would be. Those feelings are not fake. Those feelings are so real. The timing couldnt be more perfect for my thoughts to think about my friends. The ones who don’t drink, don’t abuse drugs. I decided to message a friend. I told him that on the 9th I gave in. I told him what I was going through. He helped me to work through it. Thank you

After that one conversation, Just one person. I switched my thinking. I kicked out a cousin, stopped talking to a few more people. I accepted that I needed to do this on my own. No one can Save me. Only Me.

As Aweful as it sounds and looks, I am Thankful for that day. I was thinking that my Life has Reason. I am worthy of being a Mom. I am a Good person. How I know this? Lol I am Me, thats why.

I gave my ex full-custody of our children. Still have to sign the papers. When I am healthy enough I will be able to bring them back into my life. As of right now this is just the beginning of my healing. I know damn well I am going to be the best me I can be. No matter the Obstacles.

Hahaha apologies if my spelling and stuff is incorrect.

Stay Shining

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s