Why I couldn’t remember much as a child, was beyond me. I thought that was normal until I found out it isn’t.
I was very sexually Innapropriate. I didn’t know that it was Innapropriate at the time. I just couldn’t understand. To me it wasn’t bad to “explore”.
I would get caught and get into trouble. They would be upset with me, asking me where I learned it from. While I sat at the table embarrassed and unsure where I did learn it from.
This has affected me my entire life. I refuse to “explore” myself. Carrying on, now that I told you that part, this is the next.
I remembered my first Traumatic memory. I don’t remember how old I was. My Uncle was dating a woman on Oneida. She had 4 children, not my uncles. 2 boys and 2 girls.
One of her sons had me lay on the couch, he said “lay straight and don’t F*****g move”. I shook my head yes, he held my arms down tight so I wouldn’t fight him. He began grinding on me. Thankfully my Mom walked in and said ” Get off of her now”.
So, I don’t remember anything at all before this event. I am okay with that. I also forgive the boy for his actions because he didn’t know any better.
Rest in Peace, he died a few years ago I do belive. I wish nothing but Love for people. I am teaching myself to Love me! With that I was told Forgivness I huge. Forgiveness for others as well as yourself. Very, Very Important.