Putting myself out there

This is probably a hard one to overcome. Today I asked someone if they would want to hang out. I said I would be home all day, then I went for a drive with my Mom. Came back and decided I would stop by the person’s place to see if they still want to have a visit.

Well before my Mom left, I expressed to her that I don’t like feeling anxious. She said just breath. So I did and went to the person’s house. Asked them if they wanted to smoke a joint. They said no I am good for now. Thank you very much but I am busy.

I said ” Oh I am not trying to be creepy or anything”. What in the world, why would I say that? Hahaha Embarrassment. I definitely cried when I got home. I am okay despite them saying no. It was just hard to push myself to go over to ask.

I had to process everything, I started to become negative towards myself. I almost let myself believe, that I am just crazy, no one wants anything to do with me. Maybe they are embarrassed of me or ashamed of me. Who knows.

Positive aspect, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. That’s a start. Emotions cannot take over my brain. I will accept them as they come and write it all out if I need to.

That’s Strength and Courage right there. I got me, myself, and I. This is what I am trying to Learn. I need to praise myself more. Be kinder to me. Wowza that was a fun one. Not literally. 😅

Stay Shining

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