It has been difficult for me at times to snap myself back to reality. What is reality?
There is a false reality that I tend to focus on. So many different ones, it’s like watching a movie. Except it is my Imagination.
To have an Imagination is so good for me. It teaches me different emotions in myself. For me I am learning to accept those emotions without judgment. Without Judgment of myself. In those moments for me, It feels so real. I made myself believe that I am not “normal”.
I have switched my character for everyone else. “I feel like I wanted someone else to be writing my story”. Nicole’s words
Note: everything I am saying is learned from my two Amazing friends. Many things I write, is usually wrapped around the conversations. Knowledge!
Carrying on… I was so Focused on everyone else. I thought I Loved everyone else more than Myself. I allow myself to feel the emotions I am feeling in the moment. Whether the emotion is negative or positive. I voice it. I know when I am sad, mad, happy, confused. I know that I am just the same as everyone else. I am me, I Love who I am. I am working on Loving all my flaws. It will always be an “uphill battle” not negatively.
Uphill battle as in we are going to grow physically and mentally until the day we die. There is no changing it. Again I learned this from my two friends.
In this moment I had a thought. An Image, my friend who is a male. Stops talking to me because of who I am. That made me feel sad, scared, anxious. Not once has he said I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Fearing abandonment. In reality he hasn’t abandoned me. He is his own person and makes his own decisions. In my brain, he won’t respond the way I expect him to. I accept that. There is good expectations and bad expectations. I also accept that he is his own person who has priorities. I am learning that I can’t control another person in any way, shape, or form. It is within myself to positively support someone with Gratitude, Honesty, Love, Kindness.
I have expressed to people my emotions. Expecting them to make me Happy. It was never them who made me Happy. It was me, I made myself Happy. When I am Happy, it makes others Happy. When I am positive and kind, I hope it shines so bright that it’s contagious and becomes a ripple effect.
Ripple effect in my opinion is most contagious when it is negative. I hope that in some way I can help to make a difference with that Ripple effect. In a Positive, Kind, Loving, understanding way. It is to exhausting to be stuck in a negative space. So I accept that there won’t be all Good days. What I think I know is that no matter the outcome and emotions that come with that. I will be okay. I know this because I believe in myself. I believe I can control my own life. I already am. I have made so many accomplishments with myself. I am proud of who I am. I hope that if you ever feel “lost”, that this Blog can be a guidance to remind you of how important you are.
It is confusing, I understand what I am talking about and hope that everyone knows how beautiful they are, Flaws and all. To me that’s comfort.