Breakthrough

It can be so difficult to understand our own emotions. At least for me I had a terrible time with accepting all of the emotions. I didn’t want to feel the emotions that were sad or angry, guilt is a huge one for myself. The feeling of guilt is not nice at all. I always be as honest as I can be. Some of the things that come out of my mouth in conversation, I find may be a bit confusing, I understand it in my mind. 

My breakthrough happened in the worst condition. I am almost certain that I had a psychotic break down. Instead of labeling it a breakdown I am definitely stating that it was a Breakthrough. I was in the most Terrible position emotionally. 

It all starts with my childhood. 

I never ever felt “Normal”

I have always wanted people to like me. 

I have high gratitude, meaning I am a very thankful person. 

I refuse to be rude unless I need to be. Even then I try to be a polite rude.

I am very intune with my emotions. It is so refreshing to Love myself finally after almost 30 years. 

I would have never come this far without the support of my friends. I would name them but I am not sure they would appreciate it without their permission. 

I have always compared myself to others. Negatively degrading myself. Didn’t understand my self worth. Felt so lost so to speak. Felt alone even with everyone around. I was so scared to be by myself. I had enough of it, I locked myself in my room and shut everyone out. Why?, I was tired of it all. The feelings that I would mask with alcohol and a specific drug. Sitting in those dark thoughts were so scary. I over came them by accepting them. Figuring out that all these negative things that impacted me wasn’t all my fault. I accept that I have been in the wrong many times. I also always admit my wrong doings and apologize to often.

My friend said you have to let your emotions “Flow like a river.” Sit and think about that in depth. There are so many emotions that we need to accept. All of them! They flow through our brains like a river. Keep that in the back of your mind. Don’t disturb your River. Let it flow in its entire natural form. So beautiful, bring yourself peace. The only thing stopping you is you. Breaking through was the best feeling I have ever felt. Happiness with myself.

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